Monday, December 29, 2008

Spend The Holidays With Sweaty, Half Naked Dudes

I went to see "The Wrestler" on Xmas day. After seeing it, it's definitely high up in my top films of 2008. Go see it. It's more than worth it and the performances by Mickey Rourke and Marisa Tomei are nothing short of spectactular.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Since I Have Nothing Better To Do On Company Time...

You know you are from Chicago when:

You - correctly - don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois.
You become irate at people who do.
You measure distance in minutes.
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines".
Your school classes were canceled because of excessive cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of excessive heat.
You've even had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
Stores don't have sacks, they have bags.
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you go to the mall I wanna go with."
You can locate Illinois on the United States map.
Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is at least twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice.
You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave both unlocked.
When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different."
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You know what the numbers I-80, 55, and 90 mean.
You realize that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.
You refer to any interstate highway as "the Tollway" or else "the expressway."
You know the given names of the interstates, i.e.: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan.
You refer to anything south of I-80 as "Southern Illinois".
You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake".
You refer to Chicago as "The City".
No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you immediately assume they are talking about Downtown Chicago.
You find yourself referring to the central business district of any city you happen to be in as "The Loop."
You have two favorite football teams: The Bears and anyone who beats the Green Bay Packers.
A brawl over which Chicago baseball team is better breaks out every year at your neighborhood block party
Even though you live 3 hours south, you still buy "The Trib."
You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog.
You know what Chicago Style Pizza is -- and feel pity for those that don't, and with good reason!
You know why they call Chicago "the Windy City".
You understand what "lake-effect" means.
You know the difference between Amtrack and Metra, and know which station they end up at.
You have ridden an "L" (elevated train).

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Best Metal Videos Of 2008

I hardly watch music videos these days, but thanks to Youtube and people's reccomendations, here are my top 5 most Metal videos of 2008:

By the way, videos are not a substitute to seeing these awesome bands live.

Get it?

Lair of the Minotaur-War Metal Battlemaster
What makes it so Metal: warriors, weapons, naked zombie girls

Amon Amarth-Twilight of the Thundergod
What makes it so Metal: vikings, epic sea voyages, lots of fire

Enslaved-The Watcher
What makes it so Metal: epic Viking themes, tall cliffs, evil mist

Toxic Holocaust-Wild Dogs
What makes it so Metal: toxic waste, abandoned nuclear warehouse, post apocalyptic feel

Municipal Waste-Sadistic Magician
What makes it Metal: explosions, corrossive chemicals, camp 80's movie references

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Kuma's Doom Fest

Everyone's favorite Chicago Metal burger place, Kuma's Corner, is having the 1st ever Kuma's Doom Fest in 2 weeks! This will benefit a number of charities so it's more than a good reason to go bang your head to the heaviest Chicago Metal show of the year.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Metal Shows To Go: December 2008

Every month, I will be posting shows that I plan to attend during the course of that particular month. I hope to see you Chicago metalbangers out there!!!

12/05/08 Gates of Slumber, Demiricous The Horde, The Muzzler @ Metal Shaker
12/06/08 Bible of the Devil, Imperial Battlesnake, Bloodcow, Midnight @ Cobra Lounge FREE
12/13/08 Hewhocorrupts Inc. Holiday Party feat. Sweet Cobra, Hewhocorrupts, Brokedowns, Canadian Rifle @ Mutiny FREE
12/20/08 Kuma's Fest feat. Kongh, Samothrace, Indian, Ol' Scratch, Minsk, Beneath Oblivion, Rue, Ganon, Rabid Rabbit, Drug Honkey @ Double Door
12/27/08 Holidays of Horror 2008 feat. Macabre, Cianide, Elfvis, Spare Change @ Empty Bottle

Previous Melvins Poster

Here is an official poster I did for the Melvins/Big Business show at Reggie's last Nov. 20th. After years of getting screwed over of not getting to see the Melvins live, I was offered a chance to design a poster and that was my ticket to finally seeing these legends live, and they didn't dissapoint. In celebration of this milestone, I'm having a free download of the poster available. It's a hi-res 11x17 JPEG so if you want to download it and print it for your wall, go right ahead, just right click and save. Hope everyone had a great Turkey weekend!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Monday Monster Mania

Tonight, I shall be go attend a screening of a Swedish vampire film called "Let The Right One In". I've read a lot of good reviews for this film and I am going on a limb to say that this is definitely be way more worthwile to watch than that other vampire movie that came out, Twilight. Besides, Swedes by default can make any horror film grimmer and more frostbitten.

On another note, Indian versions of American music videos are a fucked up mix of uber cheesiness and WTFology. Their version of Michael Jackson's thriller looks like a vision of some dude who was watching that on Indian MTV while on shrooms.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Bacon And Blastbeats Proudly Endorses Barack Obama For President

After 8 disastrous years with George W. Bush, I think it is time for a change in the nation.

Go forth and vote tomorrow!!!

Is It May 2009 Yet???

This is quite possibly THE BEST Maryland Deathfest lineup EVER.

I shall be in Baltimore during this awesome weekend.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Black Metal Beds

Will my Black Metal bed have spikes and torches on the bedposts? I want one!!!!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Dear Ed Hardy & Affliction...

Please die. I hate your "I try to look like I know how to rawk even though I don't" clothes and the the douchebags who wear them. Why should I pay $100 for your stupid ass shirts? I can screen print a better looking shirt than your overpriced poser uniforms. Die. NOW.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Coffee Is Metal Thrashing Mad

Gonna be at this show at the Coffee Pot next Thursday. It's gonna be nuts.

There's Really No Such Thing... too much SLAYER.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Heavy Metal In Baghdad

Last night, me and a couple of friends attended a free screening of Heavy Metal In Baghdad at the Metro. It was filmed and financed by Vice Magazine. The documentary is about Accrasicauda, Iraq's only heavy metal band. Vice spent a few days with the band, filming their day to day lives and the hardships of being in a heavy metal band in post-Saddam Iraq. Anger, hatred, frustration and despair barely describe the predicament of these guys. This is a real eye opener and a must see for any metal fan.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

She's Gonna Tear Your Mind Up, Will Rip Your Soul

Would you elect this beast to be the VP of this country? I sure hope not.

Impaled This Saturday!!!

Impaled are coming this Saturday to Reggie's, and they aren't gonna dissapoint. They decimated at Maryland Deathfest last May and I've been salivating for more G.O.R.E.!!! Phobia, Kill The Client, Illogicist and Maruta open. It's gonna be disgustingly delicious.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

In Aboriginal Australia, Heavy Metal IS Serious Business

So serious, gangs are named after Judas Priest and Slayer. Playing the wrong cd in the wrong side of town can get you killed. Seriously. Thanks to Vice Magazine for covering this.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Party Like A Nachtstar

Yours truly made this nice poster.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

It Ain't That Bad

So probably a hundred Metal blogs have posted about this today: Metallica released a new song. Metallica, to this day, remains the most recognizable Metal band in the mainstream music business and it is definitely important because many of us in the underground have expressed disdain over the post-Black Album output that they have produced. The Day That Never Comes reminds me a bit of some Fade To Black and To Live Is To Die. Thankfully the song isn't bad although it could use some improvement: more solos from Kirk, the bass needs to be more pronounced, and James really needs to drop the cowboy vocals. I do encourage you to listen to it and give a very objective opinion about it. Check it out here.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Swedish Skullet Attack

Nifelheim's only US show EVER. It's happening right in my city. Go.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Metal Masters Tour

I'm going to tomorrow's stop of the Metal Masters tour featuring Judas Priest, Heaven & Hell, Motorhead and Testament. It will be held at the First Midwest Bank Ampitheatre in Tinley Park, IL, about an hour by train from Chicago. If you are not planning on going to any of the stops of this tour and you claim to love Metal, you should give up your Metal membership card.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Jesus Christ

I don't even want to talk about this shit.

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard

I read in the Red Eye earlier this morning that Sean Penn is going to play Harvey Milk, the openly gay San Francisco political official who was assassinated in 1978. His assassination sparked the "White Night" riots and prompted further action calling for equal rights for the LGBT community. Meanwhile, there is a band from Athens Georgia named Harvey Milk, and they're really heavily sexy Doom/Sludge/Post Metal. It would be cool if they got called to do the movie soundtrack, most especially since they have a new album out (which is stellar) and ultra-journeyman/heavy end wizard Joe Preston plays live bass for them.

Wake Up And Smell The Carcass

My friend Omar from Revolution Tattoo did this piece. This is, by far, the best tattoo EVER.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Metallica + King Diamond

This would've been the only reason for me to attend the 1 Ozzfest date in Dallas last Saturday. Here's Metallica jamming to Mercyful Fate classics with none other than Mr. Kim Bendix Petersen aka King Diamond.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Similar Much?

Old Navy:


Blatant corporate plagiarism? You decide.

Week In Review: August 4-10

I was supposed to go see the Melvins last August 4th but there were 2 things that prevented me from going to that show:

a) Tix were sold out.
b) There was a nasty hardcore storm that pounded the city all night, therefore, I wouldn't have been able to make the trip to the Double Door anyways. And it was a nasty storm indeed. The tornado sirens were going off and the hailstorm that followed knocked out the power in my block for a day. It sucked sweating balls in the early August heat.

I went to the Made Out Of Babies/Plague Bringer/Pigs show at the Empty Bottle last Sunday. I wasn't able to catch Pigs because I missed the bus from work. Plague Bringer slayed as always, and Made Out Of Babies once again pummelled me with their cute but brutal audiovisual sexiness. Do catch these bands when you get the chance.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Church Of Real Kvlt Metal

Darkthrone epitomizes what is tr00 and kvlt in Norweigian Black Metal. They refuse to play live. They mostly shun away from the Metal press. They record very lo fi albums. They record songs in their native Norweigian language. They've recorded a Sousxie and The Banshees cover. Their promo photos are mostly set in Norway's vast forests. They even refused a nomination from Norway's version of the Grammy awards. Did I mention they have a cult following around the world? All this while they stay tr00 to themselves and their sound.

This was an interview done by a German Metal zine in Fenriz's apartment a year ago. Surely enough, Fenriz continues to boggle minds everywhere, and makes you question what is really kvlt and gr1mm in Black Metal. Enjoy.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Week In Review: July 22-29

Nothing really much happened these past few days. It was mostly spent packing, cleaning, and throwing out shit from my apartment. I'm moving this Saturday to Pilsen, and as much as I am looking forward to moving to a new 'hood, I've been reflecting the past 3+ years I've spent in this Humboldt Park apartment. It pretty much went from a nice home to a hellhole in a matter of months. This lease was a nightmare, having a total of 9 whopping roommates in 1 year. Fucking shit. I'm glad this shit is almost over, and I am looking forward to better days in my new 1 bedroom apartment.

As far as Metal goes, didn't really go to any shows this past week, I pretty much laid low, but I did go to this really cool DIY house show at the Shitspace. Hewhocorrupts headlined, Chica X, a 7 year old rapper from East Moline was direct support (check her out, she's AWESOME), Chicago Thrash Ensemble played their last ever show and some other bands played before them. I was expecting a big turnout since it's yet another one of those crazy Hewhocorrupts show, but there was barely 50 people crammed in the Shitspace. I brought and downed a 12 pack of PBR and took a few shots of whiskey, which definitely helped me flirt with the lovely ladies hanging out at the show. Normally, I'm the shyest dude when it comes to meeting girls, but give me a few beers, I'd be talking to them like I was Kat Williams.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

One Hell Of A Week: A Review

Hi folks, it's a Tuesday, a really boring one at least, and what better way to do something productive than to post yet another blog? Anyways, last week was a total doozy. Monday was At The Gates, and it ws definitely one of the best shows of the year. Most of my friends showed up, and it was great to be in the same venue and actually having a great time being music fans without all the jaded internet bullshit. Toxic Holocaust started off with their no holds barred toxic thrash, Municipal Waste got the party raging, Darkest Hour were consistent as always, and when At The Gates came out, the place went apeshit. From start to finish, THEY WERE ON FUCKING FIRE. Never a dull moment on their set. Possibly the best reunion tour of the decade, besides Celtic Frost and Emperor. After the show, there was an after party at Kuma's Corner. Anders and Tomas even blogged about that party. Never to turn down a personal invitation from Uncle Alex, I went and had a blast with the bands at the party, hell, even Toxic Holocaust crashed over at my place. They even left me a really cool note when they got back on the road.

Tuesday, hung over and tired, I went to see Weekend Nachos, Harm's Way and The Catburglars at Subterrenean. If I could describe the show, it would definitely have more stage dives than the special olympics swimming event. It was THAT AWESOME. Wednesday was my birthday, and I am a year closer to getting AARP benefits, physically I could feel it, but mentally, I don't really feel like I got any older. Deep inside, I still feel like that 13 year old kid who first discovered Metallica and Iron Maiden. Thursday was Lone Wolf & Cub, Ramming Speed (from Boston) and Harpoon. It was a drunken blast.

Had to recover Friday and hung at Kuma's Saturday to chill out when I got yet another invitation to go rock out at the Boris/Torche/Nachtmystium show the following evening at the Empty Bottle. I was like, wow, what a way to cap an awesome week, huh? Early the next day, I found out that guest list spots were cut off but Uncle Alex was able to pull some strings to get me and a few friends from Revolution Tattoo into the list. Isn't he such an awesome guy or what? He bought a couple of rounds of beers to boot! I arrived fashionably late during Torche's 1st song, and as always, they never dissapoint and they bomb stringed to stoner heaven with their lush melodies coupled with pounding heaviness. This was my 2nd time seeing Boris, the 1st time was when they did their first ever US tour supporting Sunn O))). They blew me a way the first time. They crushed and lifted my soul up this time. The majority of their material got culled from Smile, and they definitely sounded better live. An additional treat was when Michio Kurihara was also playing with them that night. SUPER!!!

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Uh, So Do You Plan On Buying The New Metallica Album?

I'm seriously am having 2nd thoughts about this.

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Red In The Sky Will Be Ours Tonight

Tonight marks At The Gates' first Chicago show in over 12 years. If you don't have a ticket yet, what the hell are you waiting for? Go buy a ticket on Craigslist, from the House of Blues (even though they're a sucky venue) or some schmuck whose waiting in line with an extra ticket and their friend(s) decided to flake out. Darkest Hour, Municipal Waste and Toxic Holocaust round out this boner worthy tour, so if you miss it, you better have a valid reason, otherwise, you've pretty much achieved major FAIL.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Maryland Deathfest VI

Happy Thursday! I'm backtracking a little bit and I'm going to describe my out of town trip to Maryland last May, whose highlight was being at the world renowned Maryland Deathfest. It was held at the Sonar in downtown Baltimore. I actually stayed in Baltimore for 5 days and hung out in DC for 1 day before jetting back to Chicago, so this was pretty much my "Metal vacation" if you could call it that way. MDF was held over the course of Memorial Day weekend, and it was definitely a mega monstrous blast. This was my first time seeing a show outside of Chicago in a long while, let alone being in one of the most grueling marathons of Death Metal, Thrash, Grindcore and Powerviolence this side of the Atlantic. The whole weekend can be summed up as an orgy of Metal, countless bottles of Natty Boh's and Yuenglings, greasy food outside the venue, a crust kid tent city by the parking lot, getting more food, water and booze (and dodging the shady pimps and nasty, toothless hookers) at "The Block", chilling on Gay St. and a lot of new and awesome friends. It was really cool to see a lot of the bands just mingling with the crowd out in the street and in the lounge areas, and Sonar's security were chiller than the ones we have here in Chicago. I also spent at least $200 in merch, mostly shirts and import cd's, there were 2 rooms that had distros from all over the country selling stuff at discount prices. Too bad I wasn't able to get any Carcass sweatpants though.

Since there were a lot of bands that played that weekend, I'll just list the top 5 bands I saw who had the most impact from each day, in no particular order:

Day 1: Grave (Sweden), Squash Bowels (Poland), Ingrowing (Czech Republic), Phobia(US), Skarp (US)

Day 2: Anaal Nathrakh (UK), Ghoul (US), Coffins (Japan), Disfear (Sweden), Trap Them (US)

Day 3: Nuclear Assault (US), Blood Duster (Australia), Macabre (US), Dead (Germany), Gruesome Stuff Relish (Spain)

Sleeper hits: Hellnation (US), Engorged (US), Behold...The Arctopus (US), Flesh Parade (US), Gadget (Sweden)

Not so great: Torsofuck (Finland), Defeated Sanity (Germany), Infected Malignity (Japan), Monstrosity (US), Kalibas (US)

Most of my shots came out like shit, although there's a lot of awesome shots that can be found on Return To The Pit. Maybe I need to invest in a D40 that can withstand the pit action when I go next year...

Monday, July 7, 2008

Dudefest Indiana Review

About 2 weekends ago, I went to this wonderful 3 day orgy of dudes, honorary dudes (the ones with vaginas, duh), booze, drugs and bad food known as Dudefest. I didn't even know this festival existed up until last year, but it has been held annually in the city of Indianapolis since 2003. This year's lineup was stellar: Pig Destroyer, Torche, Kylesa, Insect Warfare, Coliseum, Kung Fu Rick, Iron Lung, Despise You, Hewhocorrupts, Plague Bringer, Gaza, Nachtmystium, Skeletonwitch, and many, many more. Me and a few friends took a roadtrip from Chicago and it was definitely one of the best weekends of my life. I took quite a few pictures from the fest and some of them can be viewed here. I even messed up my knee stagediving during Hewhocorrupts and since I was in a drunken funk, messed it up further by doing more stagedives during Pig Destroyer's set, which had a lot of inflatable whales, beachballs, and even a stuffed blue dinosaur. New friends were made, lots of beer was consumed, great times and lasting memories were definitely had. If you weren't there and you didn't have a valid reason not to go, I do feel sorry you missed out.

Hewhocorrupts: Master Of Profits (I'm the dude who stagedives on stage left at around :13)

Welcome to Bacon And Blast Beats

Welcome to Bacon and Blast Beats! This is going to be an extreme music related blog that would concentrate on, but not limited to, extreme music artists, album and concert reviews, band interviews, etc. I will mainly focus on what's going on in Chicago because this is a wonderful city to live in if you're into extreme music. This blog will also serve as a literary extension of my upcoming graphic design portfolio website, which once finished, will be called Blast Beat Designs dot com. Please be patient as content will be added on an as needed basis, because of my other commitments. Cheers, and may this blog be a part of your days to come.

- Carm